September 6, 2023 By Just A Snail

An Open Letter to Giant African Land Snails

Dear Giant African Land Snails,

Why must you be so cute? You’re the biggest snail species in the world, with shells spanning five to seven inches in length. These beautiful shells come in all shapes and colors: brown whorls to golden cones, you’re the most beautiful beast I’ve set my eyes on. 

But, alas, our love is forbidden. Unfortunately, it is illegal to keep Giant African Land snails in North America. Sure, they eat over 500 species of plants, destroying all the agriculture in their path. And yes, they can carry the rat lungworm parasite, known to cause meningitis in humans… but can you deny that they’re adorable?

The United States’ bitter grudge against these snails originated in Florida, where all good things go to die. After the snails helped their palettes to the state’s agriculture, Florida knew they needed to act fast. It took one million dollars of resources, nearly a million properties surveyed, and nine years to get rid of these big boys. 

But the snail invasion wasn’t over yet: they returned again to Florida in 2011. This time, the state spent $24 million dollars to eradicate them–quite a hefty sum for a species that moves slower than a sloth. 

No matter how jealous I may be of my fellow European snail owners–they’re popular pets in the U.K.–I do not support their illegal dissemination into the U.S. The environmental damage they cause as an invasive species outweighs my desire to own these loveable mollusks. 

For now, I’ll have to move to England to care for my snail idols, and that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.